Sparkling Wiggles Toys With HFL

Gaze upon the faces of who kicked your ass.

As if it was a grizzly bear, Sparkling Wiggles slept in hibernation for most of the season, then awoke with an vengeful fury and ate the competition like a wayward hiker.

Sitting in last place with a meager 24 points on June 14, Sarah's team sprung to life and will almost surely win the Q2 season of the Hollywood Fantasy League.

Sarah took her team to infinity and beyond (get it?!?) by picking "Toy Story 3" with the third pick in the draft. The closing chapter of the animated trilogy has grossed over $225 million in it's first 10 days at the box office and has a league-best 91 score on Metacritic. Those calculate to a ridiculous 206 points; 44 more than consensus #1 pick "Iron Man 2".

It's safe to say "Toy Story 3" exceeded expectations critically, and is even getting some best picture Buzz (GET IT?!?). But seriously, as someone who contributed his $9 to the opening weekend numbers, it's a damn good movie, and probably the best animated movie since "Aladdin."

It certainly doesn't hurt that Sparkling Wiggles' second-round pick "Get Him to the Greek" has put up a surprisingly solid numbers so far, and it certainly doesn't matter that it's third-round pick "Jonah Hex" completely bombed.

Rewinding all the way back to the end of May, the HFL looked locked up by McKenzie's Jurassic Parka. Then, out of seemingly nowhere, Kyle's Points on the Back End stole the lead in mid-June and it looked as if things may shape up to be a two-horse race. But Sarah shot past everyone in an unprecedented worst-to-first sprint.

Ironically, the only team with a plausible shot to snatch the crown from Sarah's head is Brian's Fart Grab Smell with #2 overall pick "Twilight: Eclipse." Heading into the draft, Sarah desperately wanted the vampire-werewolf drama, and claimed she would kill whoever took it before her pick. One pick before she got her wish, Blanner grabbed it, and Sarah was stuck with her backup plan, "Toy Story 3." That pick will prove to win the league for Brockmeyer, but there is a good chance that she would still rather have "Twilight" just because.

The Q3 draft is complete, and it did not disappoint. The new rosters will be posted soon. For now, here is the current leader board:

Above are the current HFL standings. Click to enlarge. Movies with dark coloring are final scores, light colored are in progress, and white are yet to be released.

Parka Blows Lead, Kyle Claims First

Shrek "Hurdles" into first place..... Get it?

What seemed like an impossibility has now become a reality: "Iron Man 2" led Jurassic Parka has lost its top spot in the standings. Boosted by 122 points from "Shrek Forever After," Points on the Back End has taken control of the HFL standings.

However, Kyle's stay atop the leaderboard may be temporary, as all three of his movies are done with their 4-week run, while McKenzie still has second-round pick "Grown Ups" yet to hit theaters. The Adam Sandler comedy, which hits theaters everywhere on June 25, has to score at least 20 points for Jurassic Parka to regain the lead.

In other news, "The Karate Kid" outperformed expectations, winning the weekend duel with "The A-Team" and vaulting Rated NC-17 solidly into third place. However, Telthorst has to deal with the shame of drafting "McGruber" which is the only movie to be out of theaters before its scoring period is up. Seriously, it got $0 in it's final week.

Two teams are still lurking in the distance. Blanner's Fart Grab Smell still has tween blockbuster "Twilight: Eclipse" yet to be released. The real sleeper could be Sarah's Sparkling Wiggles, which got a good first weekend from shockingly decent "Get Him to Greek", and still has "Jonah Hex" and "Toy Story 3" yet to be released. If the performance of "Shrek" is any indicator for "Toy Story", Sparkling Wiggles may have a chance at a worst-to-first run.

The third quarter draft will begin this week...

Above are the current HFL standings. Click to enlarge. Movies with dark coloring are final scores, light colored are in progress, and white are yet to be released.

Crappy Debuts Doom HFL Teams

Above: Metacritic poison

Heading into the final weeks of June, the biggest story in the HFL is the disappointing scores for many highly-touted movies.

First round picks “Robin Hood” and “Sex in the City:2” and second-round pick “Prince of Persia” were major contributors to the worst memorial day box office in 15 years. In particular, the catty whorebags of “Sex in the City:2” have scored only 17 points for Sexy Marmaduke Too, which now must rely on a big score from “Marmaduke” to remain competitive. Good luck with that.

Jurassic Parka maintains its perch atop the leaderboard, although it was deal a minor blow by its third-round pick “Oceans”, whose debut in mid-April snuck past everyone in the league, mainly because it’s box office totals were too low for anyone to notice. “Oceans” scored a league-high 73 Metacritic score, but grossed less than $20 million over its first four weeks to end with a movie score of 13.

Solidly in second-place, Points on the Back End looks to challenge for the title, but unfortunately is just about out of scoring opportunities. While Kyle won’t end up in first, he clearly had the best pick of the second round, “Shrek Forever After” which already has tallied 91 points.

My personal favorite storyline in the HFL is the comically bad performance of "McGruber" which has scored only 4 points to date.

Another big weekend for the HFL just hit, as “Get Him to Greek”, “Marmaduke”, and “Splice” made their debuts. Finally Sparkling Wiggles will get on the board after more than two months of competition.

Above are the current HFL standings. Click to enlarge. Movies with dark coloring are final scores, light colored are in progress, and white are yet to be released.